Another one bites the dust

BUD:

Sorry, ladies, as everyone probably knows by now, Moose is officially off the market. After a prolonged "courtship," he has decided to allow Kendra to make an honest man out of him. None of you were there for the proposal, but by a stroke of luck, I happened to be around to witness the event. Here is how it happened:

Moose set the mood by lighting several of his favorite scented Crabtree and Evelyn candles, while Morrissey crooned mournfully in the background. He looked resplendent in his favorite outfit: a David Robinson Spurs jersey, British flag socks, and nothing else (shiver). When Kendra came into the room, Moose's two cats strolled past her wearing hand-calligraphied signs around their necks which read "Will you" and "marry me, Kendra?" She had tears in her eyes (or is she just allergic to those damn cats?) when she turned around to see Moose kneeling beside her. Actually, he wasn't really kneeling, he's just that low to the ground naturally, but the effect was the same. In his hand was a small box containing a shiny conflict diamond, likely from one of the same third world countries whose immigrants Moose helps flood into this country and steal jobs from hard-working Americans. With Moose blocking the only exit, Kendra said "yes."

Remembering the scene brings a tear to my eye. Everything was so perfect.